Poker Face

Everybody has one, some just are better with theirs than others. I just so happen to be fabulous at hiding my true feelings. I can make anyone think I'm in love with them, and I can make anyone think I hate them. It's really sad that I had to learn a talent like that. Even worse that it the ability to make anyone crazy about me was how I made it through life before.

It really does make me wonder if I'm capable of real feelings, or if I just go through to motions to keep my life as simple and uncomplex as possible. Obviously, my love for Andrew is incredibly strong and the most real kind of love that any single person could feel. But what about everyone else? I honestly am not sure how upset I would be if "key" people in my life just up and left. Of course, I'd be worried because certain things couldn't fall into place without them. But on a deep, emotional level, would I even care?

I've spent my whole life basically using people. Using my parents to pull strings to get me what I wanted, using my friends to get where I wanted to be, using guys for sex, drugs, and alcohol, using my charm to get me out of basically any trouble, or using my charm to make my punishment easier. You could even say that I use my child. I use him to feel like I am the most important person alive, to feel like I would be missed if I left.

Not a damn person has any idea that I am literally drowning in my own mind, I'm just that good.